Pathways with Amber Stitt
🎙️ Get ready for Pathways with Amber Stitt, your go-to podcast for financial insights and motivation to take action today! 💪💰
Are you feeling overwhelmed when it comes to planning for your financial future? Don't worry, you're not alone. Many individuals and small businesses struggle with creating a solid game plan to protect themselves and their loved ones. That's where we come in.
Join me as we dive into our core framework, "Pathways to Peak Performance," where we'll tackle each of the 5 steps to bring you closer to success in every episode. Through education and motivation, our podcast is designed to inspire anyone to achieve success and resilience, no matter the obstacles they face in life.
And that's not all! We've also got the Physician's Edition, specially curated for medical professionals and small business owners who need help with their insurance planning. This bonus series is tailored to address the unique challenges and goals of these individuals.
Don't miss out on valuable insights, expert tips, and empowering stories that will empower you to take control of your financial future. Tune in to Pathways with Amber Stitt now and unlock the keys to a brighter, more secure tomorrow! 🎧💡💼
Pathways with Amber Stitt
Financial Planning Retirement Myths: Sanjay Tolani on Crystralizing Multi-Generational Wealth
Get ready to meet Sanjay Tolani, a third-generation financial expert who became the world’s youngest MDRT member by turning retirement planning on its head—and who now leads a family office spanning five generations and 150+ years. 🌏
In this episode, Sanjay Tolani gets real about why wealth creators focus on concentration, not diversification, and what it truly means to secure a legacy. He unpacks the difference between inheritance and succession, challenges outdated retirement thinking, and shares actionable strategies for protecting your family’s future—no matter the size of your empire.
If you’re building a business, growing generational wealth, or rethinking how you set up your family for success, this conversation will inspire you to lead differently and create lasting impact.
Let’s break the rules, protect what matters, and design pathways beyond the numbers. 💡
📽️ To watch this episode: https://youtu.be/ZbXFBqempnw
🔗 To connect with Sanjay Tolani:
📲 Website: https://sanjaytolani.com
📲 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sanjaytolani
📲 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/srtolani
#pathwayswithamberstitt #wealthcreation #amberstitt #sanjaytolani #tolaniflow #sanjaymentoringfamily #successionplanning #naifae3 #amberstittmediacompany
📻 Thank you for tuning in to Pathways!
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🎬 And remember, let's take action today!!!
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Sanjay Tolani [00:00:00]:
I'm going to give a very simple action item. Stop thinking diversification.
Amber Stitt [00:00:03]:
Yeah, let's talk about that. What does that mean?
Sanjay Tolani [00:00:04]:
Because one of the biggest challenges that we have is when I joined the world of financial planning, they said, "Diversification is important." And if I look at every wealth creator in the world, they're not diversified, they're concentrated. I mean, you look at the richest people in the world, they're concentrated, right? Jeff Bezos, Amazon, Mark Zuckerberg, Meta, Bill Gates, Microsoft. They're concentrated. They don't diversify. It's that concentration that made them successful. Diversification ensures you don't lose money. Concentration ensures you make money.
Amber Stitt [00:00:35]:
Hello and welcome to Pathways e3, a special edition of Pathways with Amber stitt. The Pathways e3 podcasts were recorded with special guests who were attending and collaborating at the NAIFA e3 conference in Newport Beach, California in September 2025. Let's join the conversation. We are live from NAIFA e3 and my new friend Sanjay. We just met, but our friends are friends.
Sanjay Tolani [00:01:01]:
Absolutely.
Amber Stitt [00:01:01]:
So I stole you away before your main stage speaking event today. So I had a feeling I was going to have some time with you. So I was looking you up online and I listened to you speak a little bit. And I want to go back in time to the time you sold your first policy to a friend. Was it a friend?
Sanjay Tolani [00:01:20]:
It was. Actually, it was my best friend's father.
Amber Stitt [00:01:22]:
How scary was that?
Sanjay Tolani [00:01:24]:
You know, when I joined this business, first of all, I think I'm a typical advisor. We joined this business by mistake. No one has the dream to become an insurance advisor.
Amber Stitt [00:01:33]:
But what if your mom and dad tell you to do that?
Sanjay Tolani [00:01:35]:
Well, that's the thing, right? So if you're born in a teacher's house, they expect you to become a teacher. If you're born in a doctor's house, they expect you to become a doctor. If you're born in an insurance advisor's house, they actually tell you follow your dream, right?
Amber Stitt [00:01:47]:
So sometimes.
Sanjay Tolani [00:01:50]:
So I don't think there's any child that grows up with a dream to become an insurance advisor. And nor was I, but my dad being an exceptional salesperson, right? So I'm third generation in the financial services business. My grandparents generation were MDRT members, my dad's generation, MDRT members. I'm an MDRT member. This is my 24th year of membership, so I've been doing this for a while, but nobody ever told me to become an insurance advisor. My dad actually tricked me into it. And the way he did it was he sent me for training he said...so he bought me a brand new car when I was 17. And he said, "With this car, you have to go to training because the new advisors in our company don't want to go for training."
Sanjay Tolani [00:02:27]:
And I said, "Okay, so I'm just supposed to be the driver." And he's like, "Yeah, you just be the driver. Just sit through the training. Because they'd run away, right? So your job is to take them to the training and bring them back. That's your only job."
Amber Stitt [00:02:36]:
Oh, my goodness.
Sanjay Tolani [00:02:37]:
And I said, "I get a brand new car to do that?" And he said, "Yeah, you get a brand new car." So I got a brand new car just to do that for 6 months. I had exactly the same training every day. By the end of the 6 months, I literally told my dad. I was like, "This business is so easy. I think I can sell life insurance."
Sanjay Tolani [00:02:51]:
And my dad's like, "No, no, no, you're not qualified. I mean, you're straight out of high school."
Amber Stitt [00:02:55]:
Oh, my gosh.
Sanjay Tolani [00:02:56]:
"How the hell are you going to sell?" I said, "I know more than the trainer. I've listened to the same training over and over and over and over again for 6 months, right?"
Sanjay Tolani [00:03:03]:
He's like this, "Okay, all right. If you want to sell, first of all, who are you going to sell it to?" And I said, "Don't worry about that. I'll figure that out." So I went to my best friend's dad, right? And I said, "Uncle, I'm going to teach your daughter how to save money." And he said, "Sanjay, you don't know my daughter. My daughter loves to spend money." And I said, "Don't worry, I'll teach her how to save money.
Sanjay Tolani [00:03:20]:
But on one condition. Whatever she saves, you have to match it. So if she saves $500, you got to match with $500." He's like, "Forget $500. I'll give you a 1K." So I went to my best friend and I said, "Listen, your dad has agreed to double your pocket money on one condition. You save $500 a month, and he's going to put $1,000 into your account." And she's like, "Sanjay, you don't know my dad. He's extremely stingy.
Sanjay Tolani [00:03:40]:
He doesn't even allow me to do shopping every month." I said, "Don't worry. Just relax. You save $500 bucks with me. Your dad's going to put in a 1K. And that was my first case."
Amber Stitt [00:03:48]:
Wow. Because you're talking permanent insurance, then...So, not even doing term.?
Sanjay Tolani [00:03:54]:
I was doing retirement planning.
Amber Stitt [00:03:55]:
Yes.
Sanjay Tolani [00:03:56]:
Okay, let me ask you this question. First of all, we've got the whole concept of retirement wrong.
Amber Stitt [00:04:01]:
I agree.
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:02]:
For a very simple reason. What I realized was, I was doing retirement planning more than any other insurance work because what I realized was at the age of 65, you're not retired. You're just tired.
Amber Stitt [00:04:13]:
You're just tired.
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:14]:
And that's where the problem is. Nobody wants to retire at 65. You ask a 20 year old, when do you want to retire? They'll tell you 30. You ask a 30 year old, when do you want to retire? They'll say 35.
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:23]:
We literally use 5 year increments to say, "I want to retire in the next five years."
Amber Stitt [00:04:27]:
Why did they put some sort of rule on it? So you're saying internationally, it was like that even in Dubai?
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:32]:
So the thing is this. The concept of retirement only came post World War 2. You see, a lot of people took on government jobs to reconstruct the world after World War 2 and they had to put an age when they would have to stop working in the government.
Amber Stitt [00:04:46]:
Interesting.
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:47]:
Pre-World War 2, there was no retirement. People just worked till they died.
Amber Stitt [00:04:50]:
Yeah. Well, you see like blue zone countries, people are walking up and down, eating on the floor and they're moving and shaking. They're not stopping just because of a certain age.
Sanjay Tolani [00:04:58]:
Exactly.
Amber Stitt [00:04:59]:
Interesting.
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:00]:
The concept of retirement was a government initiative.
Amber Stitt [00:05:04]:
Go figure.
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:04]:
To say, okay, we'll retire at 50, 55, 60, 65. And they've been increasing that. And the reason why they increased it, people are just living longer. So it was what we call the golden watch era.
Amber Stitt [00:05:14]:
Okay.
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:15]:
You retire, get a golden watch. You would have a couple of years before you died.
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:18]:
So you'd go travel the world and you probably die on the way. And that's usually what retirement meant, was go and die somewhere else, or go die on the farm, or go die on...
Amber Stitt [00:05:27]:
But you're a very young person to be thinking like this.
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:30]:
Exactly. So I was 20 and I said, "You know what, why don't we all plan to do a world tour when we're 30?" And that's what I sold, that retirement planning is about achieving things that you want to do. So for example, what do you really want to do in retirement? You want to travel, you want to spend more time with your friends, you want to eat out, you want to party, you want to pick up a new hobby, probably even go back to school. So we, as a group of friends, we realized that we all in our early, I mean, before our 20s...
Amber Stitt [00:05:55]:
Did you go to college?
Sanjay Tolani [00:05:57]:
I've been in university 24 years. I've done 2 Bachelor's, 3 Masters, 2 PhDs.
Amber Stitt [00:06:03]:
Because you were figuring this out before even undergraduate?
Sanjay Tolani [00:06:05]:
So this is before undergrad, actually, this was in the first year of undergrad. So what I did was I told all my friends in the undergrad class that, "Why don't we build a plan? All of us save money, and on our 30th birthday, we have enough funds to do a world tour together."
Amber Stitt [00:06:17]:
Oh, cool.
Sanjay Tolani [00:06:18]:
That's how I actually got 60 people in the first year to sign up. And that helped me qualify for MDRT.
Amber Stitt [00:06:25]:
Oh, my goodness.
Sanjay Tolani [00:06:26]:
So I became the youngest MDRT at the age of 19. Now, the problem was, how do you do it in the second year? Because the first year you have your classmates. How do you do it in the second year? Because now you've run out of classmates. So I went to the parents of my classmates, and I said, "Your kids have retirement plan and you don't."
Amber Stitt [00:06:44]:
Oh, good.
Sanjay Tolani [00:06:45]:
"And if they are saving $1,500 a month, you should be saving $3,000. And that's how I ended up doing my COT in my second year.
Amber Stitt [00:06:52]:
Cool.
Sanjay Tolani [00:06:53]:
Now my classmates are the same. Their parents are the same. So how do I do it in my third year?
Amber Stitt [00:06:57]:
But there was...He had a plan.
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:01]:
But there was a simple strategy, right? Change college.
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:05]:
So people ask me, why have you been in university so long? Prospecting. They don't have a choice. They're classmates.
Amber Stitt [00:07:11]:
Oh, my goodness.
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:12]:
So I've been at University for 24 years. My professors are my clients. My classmates are my clients. Their parents are my clients. And the reason why I realized that was people tell me, how do you do prospecting? Or who do you like to work with? I want to protect my world. So I don't want to protect everyone in the world. I can't. I physically cannot.
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:32]:
But I want to protect my world. If you're associated with me, I want you to be taken care of, period. That's my job. I come from a very wealthy family, so money...I was born retired. I actually don't need to work for money. So, when people say, "What's the passion that drives you? Is it money? Is it this?"
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:47]:
It's not. I don't even need to work. I'm the only son in my family. Our family office just celebrated 150 years last year.
Amber Stitt [00:07:53]:
When was the original year?
Sanjay Tolani [00:07:54]:
It started 1874. We started in Indonesia. From Indonesia, we migrated to Hong Kong. From Hong Kong to Nigeria, from Nigeria to the UK. From UK to Muscat. From Muscat to Dubai. We've been in Dubai now for over 65 years.
Sanjay Tolani [00:08:08]:
So my family is extremely wealthy. Wealth was not the reason why I joined the business. I realized that this business is the least competitive business in the world.
Amber Stitt [00:08:17]:
Interesting.
Sanjay Tolani [00:08:18]:
And the reason is, nobody graduates to become an insurance advisor. 10,000 students graduate every day to become doctors, to become lawyers, to become nurses, to become architects, to become pilots. Who graduates to say, "You know what? I'm going to become an insurance advisor." And most people who become successful in this business, they leave because this was not their dream job.
Amber Stitt [00:08:39]:
Ah.
Sanjay Tolani [00:08:40]:
So they become successful and then they end up starting a restaurant, a boutique.
Amber Stitt [00:08:44]:
Got it. Yeah.
Sanjay Tolani [00:08:46]:
And they don't believe that this is a career. It's the least competitive industry in the world.
Amber Stitt [00:08:52]:
So you're feeling like there's a little recession proof pocket here.
Sanjay Tolani [00:08:55]:
It's not just about recession proof. First of all, you've got pockets of wealth in every business, so it doesn't matter which business you do. The question is, why don't you choose the business with least resistance? I'm in a business of least resistance. Number one, people will die. It's guaranteed. Taxes are guaranteed. Everyone wants to retire as soon as possible.
Sanjay Tolani [00:09:14]:
And everyone wants to make sure that the family is secured. I mean, I've not met a single guy who says, "I don't care about my family."
Amber Stitt [00:09:19]:
What are the high net worth?...I'm sure a few families, if it's not only your own, what were they doing before you got into this retirement planning? Were they all doing the same strategies already?
Sanjay Tolani [00:09:29]:
Actually, they're not.
Amber Stitt [00:09:31]:
So are they missing it? They're just not doing the steps?
Sanjay Tolani [00:09:33]:
No. What's happened is, if you look at the concept of wealth creation...So you meet any business owner, they're all wealth creators. They don't understand the concept of preserving wealth because most business owners are wealth creators.
Amber Stitt [00:09:47]:
So there's a spending problem.
Sanjay Tolani [00:09:48]:
No, they are risk takers. They don't understand the concept of risk management.
Amber Stitt [00:09:53]:
Got it.
Sanjay Tolani [00:09:53]:
Because it's that risk that they took that made them successful. So now if you sit down with them and tell them, "Don't take risks," they think you're the guy who's against them. And you're challenging their belief system that risk is...
Amber Stitt [00:10:06]:
Kind of ingrained.
Sanjay Tolani [00:10:07]:
They love risk. Don't go to a businessman, or a business owner and tell them, "Don't take risk, or manage your risk." They're going to tell you, "Listen, that's the risk that made me successful." How can you tell a risk taker, "Don't take risks"? So our job as financial advisors is to be the opposite side, which means we tell them, "You take all the risk you want. I'm never going to stop you from taking risk. But I want the risk to die with you.
Sanjay Tolani [00:10:32]:
I don't want that risk to go to your kids, to your family. I don't want that." It's because the concept of the word family business is that if the business fails, a family fails. So we need to learn to separate these two concepts. A business can fail, but a family cannot fail. So we need to learn to segregate these two words, family and business.
Amber Stitt [00:10:53]:
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Pathways. Please consider giving us a "Like" and subscribing to the channel.
Amber Stitt [00:11:00]:
Your support goes a long way towards helping us bring you more compelling content. Remember, let's take action together! Now, let's jump back into the conversation.
Amber Stitt [00:11:12]:
So for the limited time we have together, what do you want to really have people take home? I mean, this is going to be hard to give an action item from this kind of material, but there's probably some sort of a mindset that you can...
Sanjay Tolani [00:11:22]:
I'm going to give a very simple action item. Stop thinking diversification.
Amber Stitt [00:11:26]:
Yeah, let's talk about that. What does that mean?
Sanjay Tolani [00:11:28]:
One of the biggest challenges that we have is when I joined the world of financial planning, they said "Diversification is important." And if I look at every wealth creator in the world, they're not diversified, they're concentrated. I mean, you look at the richest people in the world, they're concentrated. Jeff Bezos, Amazon, Mark Zuckerberg, Meta, Bill Gates, Microsoft, they're concentrated. They don't diversify. It's that concentration that made them successful. Diversification ensures you don't lose money. Concentration ensures you make money.
Amber Stitt [00:11:57]:
Okay.
Sanjay Tolani [00:11:58]:
Now when you're sitting with a business owner and you tell them you should diversify, you're taking away their power of growth, which is concentration. So you don't take that power away from them. I actually tell every business owner, concentrate on your business, because that's how you earn your money. That's your operating business. Let me ensure that this wealth is crystallized for your family. Because most businesses die with the founder. That's 98% of the business in the world. They die with the founder, which means the value of your business is not crystallized.
Sanjay Tolani [00:12:28]:
My job is to crystallize that value for your kids. It's as simple as that. Now, if they are smart, they'll take over your role. But if they're not smart, I crystallize that value for them.
Amber Stitt [00:12:37]:
Right. So there's...
Sanjay Tolani [00:12:38]:
So that's one huge take that I want everyone to know. The second one that I really want people to know is the difference between inheritance and succession. A lot of people confuse the two words. Inheritance is the transfer of wealth. Succession is the transfer of power. Just because you're inheriting it, doesn't mean you have the power to control it. And just because you have the power to control it, doesn't mean you own it. I'll give you a simple example.
Sanjay Tolani [00:13:03]:
My dad runs a business.
Amber Stitt [00:13:04]:
Yeah. I'm thinking of your family. Like he was teaching you how to be able to be available, to take on the power.
Sanjay Tolani [00:13:10]:
So I'm going to give you two very simple examples. My dad runs a business. He's got two children, a son and a daughter. Now, both of us are going to get 50/50. But who's CEO? That's a question. Because the CEO that has power, while both of us are inheriting it, it's the successor that decides the future of that enterprise.
Sanjay Tolani [00:13:29]:
So that's one example. A second example, we have this concept that I would give great education, great values to my kids and let them figure it out. That's what we call the poor man's mentality. If you've met any king in the past, any kingdom...
Amber Stitt [00:13:44]:
You probably have met some. I don't know that we in the US have.
Sanjay Tolani [00:13:46]:
I have. I've met kings. But you can even read the biographies. You will never hear a king say to his child, "Go make your own kingdom."
Sanjay Tolani [00:13:54]:
On the contrary, what do they say to their children, "You're going to succeed me. Get ready to become king."
Amber Stitt [00:14:00]:
Protect the empire.
Sanjay Tolani [00:14:01]:
No king told their children, "Go make your own empire." They said, "You're going to inherit an empire, become the right successor." So instead of making our children start from ground zero, why don't we train them to become great leaders and successors to our empire? Now, whether the value of my empire is $100,000, or $100 million, or $100 billion, the strategy does not change. It's about giving our children the opportunity to have a head start.
Amber Stitt [00:14:26]:
It's beautiful.
Sanjay Tolani [00:14:26]:
And that's what we've done in our family. So we are 5th generation family office. It's not that we haven't made mistakes, but our biggest mistakes were divisions. Okay, so you might have heard of something called the "3rd generation syndrome". So the 1st generation starts it, 2nd one manages it, and 3rd one destroys it. Okay, you have heard that, right? It's actually not true. 1st generation starts it, 2nd one manages it, the 3rd one divides it. It's that division that destroys the wealth, not the actual destruction of wealth.
Sanjay Tolani [00:14:57]:
Because I have economies of scale when I have $100 million, right? But if I divide that among hundred people, that's a million dollars each, no value. But together we are worth $100 million. Separately, we're only worth a million each. What do you want to be part of a $100 million estate, or a million dollar bank balance? And that's business owners don't realize the reason why businesses don't reach the 3rd generation is because they don't have the strategy for succession. They have implemented the strategy for inheritance. And this is all because of the world of finance. We were taught asset accumulation, asset preservation, asset distribution.
Sanjay Tolani [00:15:36]:
It's absolutely incorrect. It's about income accumulation. We actually want more and more income. It's not assets, it's about income preservation. I don't want to lose my income because that's my lifestyle and it's about income distribution. I don't want any inheritance. I want my kids to inherit an income stream, not the assets. Because income is what decides your lifestyle, not your assets.
Amber Stitt [00:15:59]:
That's good.
Sanjay Tolani [00:15:59]:
And we are living in a world of income, but we are teaching assets. So if you're a business owner listening to this, I would tell you, think about how to protect your income. You never lose it. Think about income accumulation, how your income keeps growing. And think about income distribution. Rather than giving them lump sums, think about how you can give an income stream to your children and teach them what should they do with this income that they receive every day. That's one of the best things that you could do.
Amber Stitt [00:16:24]:
That's great. I love where we went with that. I think it's powerful and it really takes us back to really bringing it back to the origin story and protecting the family. And I really like that. The real life kingdom.
Sanjay Tolani [00:16:34]:
Absolutely.
Amber Stitt [00:16:35]:
Well, I'm so glad we got some time with you today and I finally get to meet you for real. So really appreciate it.
Sanjay Tolani [00:16:41]:
Thank you.
Amber Stitt [00:16:41]:
Thank you so much.
Sanjay Tolani [00:16:42]:
Thank you.
Amber Stitt [00:16:44]:
Thank you for joining us for this special edition of Pathways e3 recorded at the NAIFA e3 conference in Newport Beach, California. Join us for more insightful conversations with the experts and leaders of their industries. Until next time, keep taking action on your unique path!