Navigating Grief, Owning Your Story, & Living Full Out with Kathy Mela

🎙️ Welcome to another special edition of Pathways with Amber Stitt—Pathways Unleashed! 

🌄 In this inspiring episode, Amber sits down with best-selling author and grief navigator Kathy Mela, recorded live at the Unleash Your Superpower conference in Delray Beach, Florida. 

👶 Kathy shares her powerful journey from 45 years in the NICU—nurturing premature and critically ill newborns as both a nurse and a neonatal nurse practitioner—to becoming a mentor and author dedicated to helping others navigate grief and own their unique life stories.

🛤️ Listen in as Amber and Kathy explore the real impact of grief in everyday life—not just in times of loss, but through life transitions like retirement and empty nesting. 

📖 Kathy opens up about her own experiences with early trauma, divorce, and the process of finally stepping into her true calling after years of “throwing mud at the wall.” 

👩‍❤️‍👩  You'll hear practical advice about embracing your feelings, building authentic community, and, most importantly, finding the courage to live life “full out.”

🛠️ Whether you’re seeking tools to support yourself or others through grief, or you’re just looking for inspiration to take ownership of your path, this episode celebrates the beauty of vulnerability, personal empowerment, and community. 

🛫 Get ready to be uplifted and encouraged to “go be amazing” on your own terms!

🤿 Let’s dive into the conversation.

📽️ To watch this episode: https://youtu.be/AJwAFIAClPA

🔗 Check out Kathy's books, blogs, and guides:

📲 Kathy's Website: https://kathymela.com

📲 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathy-mela-grief-navigator

📲 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kathymela_

#pathwayswithamberstitt #griefnavigator #kathymela #impactentrepreneur #nicunurse #livefullout #communitysupport

📻 Thank you for tuning in to Pathways!

🔗 Connect with Amber on Social Media:

• AMBER’S INSTAGRAM
• AMBER’S LINKEDIN
• AMBER’S FACEBOOK

📲 Be sure to visit Amber's website:

www.AmberStitt.com

🎬 And remember, let's take action today!!!

=====================

💻 Content Creators, Here Are Some Must Have Apps:

🔥 Opus Clips AI Creates Short Videos From Your Full Length Videos: https://www.opus.pro?via=909178

🔥 Find Hosts & Guests for Your Podcast: https://www.joinpodmatch.com/pathways

🔥 For Blogs, Descriptions, or Any Type of AI Generated Text Needed for Your Project: https://www.castmagic.io/?via=amber

Transcript

Kathy Mela [00:00:00]:
Where we work with this team of beautiful authors who are on the same page. You know, our stories are so unique and different, and yet we all are looking to, you know, uplift others and encourage people and really empower them to own their life, to step into that ownership of who you really are.

Amber Stitt [00:00:17]:
Hello and welcome to Pathways Unleashed, a special edition of Pathways with Amber Stitt. The Pathways Unleashed podcasts were recorded with special guests and the authors of "The Unleashed Entrepreneur" and "The Biohacking Entrepreneur" who were celebrating the book launches at the Unleash Your Superpower conference in Delray Beach, Florida in April 2025. Let's join the conversation.

Amber Stitt [00:00:42]:
Kathy is a best-selling author and we're celebrating a lot with our community this week. So I'm so happy that we could do this today to kick it off.

Kathy Mela [00:00:51]:
I'm thrilled to be here and just thrilled that you and Jason from Owwll put this all together for all of us. It's really...

Amber Stitt [00:00:57]:
Little plug. Hoot. Hoot.

Kathy Mela [00:00:59]:
It's really an honor to be here. I appreciate it. We all appreciate it so much.

Amber Stitt [00:01:04]:
Yeah. I was telling Wendy and Patricia that I was thinking about doing this since I'd seen you and we've been doing some podcasting. I was like, "I really want to get to the nitty gritty with these authors. It would be a lot of fun to do that." Just revisiting your stories and what you put on paper. It's like, I don't know, I think you just embody...and I kind of was like, maybe creepy last year.

Amber Stitt [00:01:24]:
I wanted to hug on you because I just felt like after reading your story, you bring, I don't know, it's not an energy like, "Wow," I bring into the room a little crazy, but like a peace. And I guess it's probably from maybe 20 years of the NICU, but maybe it's just your kindness that you've always had that. And part of your journey is to witness a lot and you've helped a lot of people and then you're in this different variation of life. It's not nursing, but it probably can feel like that sometimes.

Kathy Mela [00:01:51]:
Yeah, a little bit. It was 45 years in the NICU.

Amber Stitt [00:01:54]:
Yeah. Okay, well, let me, hold on. I wrote that down. But yeah, so it was always in the NICU?

Kathy Mela [00:02:01]:
Pretty much. I did a couple other things in my nursing career early on sort of to try them out.

Amber Stitt [00:02:07]:
Sure.

Kathy Mela [00:02:07]:
But 20 years in the NICU as a bedside nurse and then 25 as an neonatal nurse practitioner.

Amber Stitt [00:02:13]:
Okay, so what you're saying to me makes sense because I work with a lot of physicians, but you're talking about hospice for babies, or younger children?

Kathy Mela [00:02:20]:
That exists. So neonatal is premature babies and sick newborns.

Amber Stitt [00:02:25]:
Okay.

Kathy Mela [00:02:25]:
And it wasn't always hospice. I mean, a lot of our babies survived and did very well, and yet there are some that don't, or some that have very complex issues. And we think that often grief only happens with death. And it doesn't really, it can happen even in a joyful situation like empty nest, but it happens. A lot of times the parents go through a lot of grief in the NICU, even if their child survives, because it's the loss of that image, that ideal that they had in their mind. And so even though they may be happy their child survived, even if their child survived with no problems, there's still that feeling of loss, and then if their child has long-term problems, it's even more complex.

Amber Stitt [00:03:03]:
My background in financial services, we help risk management for things like this that can pop up. I don't think a lot of people know how to communicate with grieving. And I think from what I've heard from just a few others, there are some tools and resources, not just for yourself and going through it, but how to help other people. And I wasn't really coming into this conversation today thinking that I was going to bring this up. But you are now a grief navigator.

Kathy Mela [00:03:26]:
Yes.

Amber Stitt [00:03:27]:
Okay. A lot of people don't know how to handle potential situations, so they kind of turn it onto them and like, "I'm so sorry," is there some of that that is so important to communicate because we have to always work on communication skills. But you're taking it to a next level of grief communication skills, and it's not always about death.

Kathy Mela [00:03:44]:
Right.

Amber Stitt [00:03:44]:
So I just kind of had this "A-ha" moment after reading your words in your books. But is there something to be said about your work now that people need to stop and almost think about how they're approaching another person, or even how they talk to themselves?

Kathy Mela [00:03:58]:
Yes.

Amber Stitt [00:03:58]:
Am I handing a loaded, "Yes, let's go"?

Kathy Mela [00:04:00]:
Yes, and so, I'll just share a couple stories because, again, it's unique and it's individual. And I don't want people to think there's, "Oh, I got to figure out the right thing to say in a situation." There's never a right thing to say. It's tapping into your heart and what really is coming up for you, even if it is around you. Because you said it, "Yes, it is."

Kathy Mela [00:04:21]:
Because every time there's grief, we put ourselves in that situation. I recently had a friend who I've known since junior high, it was called back then, so almost 60 years. And she passed, and my age, and it was like, "What do you say? And how do I react?" Because that mortality slapped me upside the face again, once again, it's like, "Oh, this could be me. This could be someone I know." I mean, it is somebody I know, but it could be one of my kids. It can happen at any time. And again, not just about death, but I have a lot of friends that are going through some health issues, or they're retired and they don't know what to do with themselves, or they're thinking about retirement, or all those pieces, or empty nest is another big one, and so those are the big ones. And yet a lot of grief happens day-to-day.

Kathy Mela [00:05:05]:
It's a loss, a feeling of loss, and it's unique to each person. So we are going to tap into a little bit about me. And so the two stories I want to tell you is, so I went to a funeral last year for a client friend, a dear client and a longtime friend, and her mother had passed. And her son said the most beautiful thing when he stood up. He said, "Everybody says I'm sorry for your loss," and he said, "but I didn't lose anything. My grandmother's right here."

Amber Stitt [00:05:30]:
Oh, my. I just got chills.

Kathy Mela [00:05:32]:
So it was like all his memories and his experiences that he was able to cherish. And yet recently I spoke with someone who lost a daughter, I don't know how long ago, but a daughter to suicide and was still grieving and I don't know her well, but she just mentioned it, sort of. Not that you mentioned that in passing, but I think something was up recently that it was on her mind. And I shared that story with her. And that was not the appropriate story to share with her because it didn't land. It is a loss for her and she's still in the loss of it. And the other thing I want to say about grief is whether it's, again, a death or my grief was divorce, years of grief over that.

Amber Stitt [00:06:10]:
This episode of Pathways has been brought to you by Owwll. Owwll gives you access to new networks and valuable contacts otherwise unreachable without a referral. Get in touch instantly in real time on a private one-on-one audio call. Search through vetted professionals to connect with the people you are looking for. Download the Owwll app today and expand your reach.

Amber Stitt [00:06:33]:
Kind of where I was thinking of going with you today is talking about you weren't always in this place of allowing yourself, I don't think, based upon what you've been writing. And I think your stories are so important because other people might have been suppressing it. Do you want to talk about that a little bit? You talk about this in your books. There's some frameworks and maybe the divorce. I don't know if it happened before, after the divorce, but there was a point where you were like, "I have to live this life and I'm going to participate and not suppress." Kind of like in the moment. I mean, you had to kind of harbor a lot of this because it's your work.

Kathy Mela [00:07:02]:
Yes.

Amber Stitt [00:07:03]:
So it's probably pretty natural. But you also had some histories of some stories that were pretty traumatic, young.

Kathy Mela [00:07:09]:
Yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:07:09]:
You witnessed a lot since you were young.

Kathy Mela [00:07:11]:
Yeah. And actually, just to be totally transparent & honest here. This Grief navigator is, I feel like it's always been in my life, but I wasn't speaking it out. And people who know me for a long time are like, "You've always been talking about this." I have been, but I wasn't really ready to own it and to really stop resisting it, to really allow it to be in my life. And I'm ready to allow it to be in my life because it is who I am. And I did have experiences with grief at a young age.

Kathy Mela [00:07:37]:
I mean, if you read the chapters, I had a cousin who was murdered when I was young, and I had another cousin who died suddenly on a motorcycle and watched some family situations around that. And there was always this sort of like, "It happened, but we don't talk about it." My cousin that was murdered, I recently, when I was writing the chapter, talked to my cousin, because there was details I didn't know. And we had a really long, extensive conversation about it that he shared so much with me because he's now in a place to share. And it's like getting people, getting yourself to where you're ready to share.

Kathy Mela [00:08:10]:
I mean, I couldn't talk about my divorce soon after it happened. Not like I can now because I was angry and mad and bitter. I totally admit that I stayed in that rage. You wouldn't know that now, but in some rage...

Amber Stitt [00:08:22]:
If you're not watching, she's so sweet. That's where I was, I don't know how to explain this, but I'll say compassion, you're oozing this safe place. I'm assuming that's what your friends, whether or not you were literally talking about grief, you have that in you. And you've been probably giving so much of yourself, but now you're owning this conversation. And that's interesting how this transitioned into a new world for you as an entrepreneur.

Kathy Mela [00:08:43]:
Yeah, and even when I first started as an entrepreneur, I was all about different types of coaching, and I wanted to look at it so differently. I have all of these, over the last 5, 6 years, different titles and different things, and I felt like I was avoiding this and I was throwing mud at the wall and saying, "Okay, no, no, that's not it. This has to be it. This has to be. Let me try this over here." And so now I get to like, "Oh, this has always been it. So let me just step into it. Let me fully step into it and own it."

Kathy Mela [00:09:09]:
This is what we don't do in life. We don't teach people how to own their feelings, how to own who they are, why they're here on this earth. We all do. We are unique. Even though our bodies operate similarly, we are all unique individuals and we all, I believe, that we all are here for a reason, that we know who we are when we're very young. But life layers over a bunch of junk, and we got to peel that back and get to know yourself.

Kathy Mela [00:09:34]:
And that's what I help people do. I don't have answers for people. I had to find my own answers. Nobody could give me my answers. Boy, I went to a few people and wanted them to give me my answers, and they wouldn't. Because sometimes we're looking for that.

Kathy Mela [00:09:47]:
There must be an external source that can give me the thing I need. You know, the formula.

Amber Stitt [00:09:53]:
So you're saying people gotta do the work.

Kathy Mela [00:09:55]:
Oh, yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:09:56]:
You gotta do it.

Kathy Mela [00:09:57]:
Oh, yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:09:58]:
Well, maybe that's why you dabbled, to try to figure out if there's a third party. I mean, I think we all need the third party, but you gotta do the work. And I think there's an accountability factor. I'm smiling to you because I'm hearing this, and I kind of knew that the people I'm meeting today, to have purpose, you have to really go within yourself, figure your stuff out yourself. And you might need some help to get there. But it really starts with you and then your conversations and your relationships and your business can be different.

Kathy Mela [00:10:23]:
Yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:10:24]:
So I kind of put you in a loaded conversation here, but I think you probably knew you're getting into that with me. So let's talk about what you have here. You're mindset navigator, but just really, I'm saying grief navigator. I think that's a really cool way to say it in the sense of it's happening every day and you're giving people tools and resources to do that.

Kathy Mela [00:10:42]:
Yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:10:43]:
So we have that through your book chapters. So obviously, we've been talking about our books today. What are you showcasing here?

Kathy Mela [00:10:49]:
So I want to talk a little bit about being an author. So I wrote this book, this was my first book out of the gate, "7 Breakthrough Biggies", and it's basically 7 sort of habits, behaviors that we all have. Like fear is one of them. Getting stuck and how to navigate, I have a simple system. I really downplayed the book for a long time.

Kathy Mela [00:11:08]:
I was like, "I wrote this little book," I just, I didn't own it. I wasn't...I don't know.

Amber Stitt [00:11:13]:
I know.

Kathy Mela [00:11:13]:
And I have a dear friend, a coach, who's leading Unleashed this week, who's Wendi Weiss, Wendi Blum Weiss, who basically supported me in writing this first book. And then I played small with it, played so small with it, and then stepped into these other two books. The first, "Called To Speak Lead and Impact", and then "Impact Entrepreneur", where we work with this team of beautiful authors who are on the same page. Our stories are so unique and different, and yet we all are looking to uplift others and encourage people and really empower them to own their life. To step into that ownership of who you really are.

Amber Stitt [00:11:50]:
Yeah, I didn't know about this first one. It's an interesting process to go through the writing. And then when you talk about downplaying, I mean, I know we were going to talk about this, Kathy, but going back and studying who you are and trying to find the grace and be comfortable with yourself, like I bring a lot of energy into the room, and I can be a lot. I can tell when I'm passionate about something and someone's not driving, I want to talk about it. Eyes are glazing over. I know I'd have people say in high school, or when I was younger, they'd want me to downplay it and kind of chill and not be my big energy. I know it's great for my work that I do.

Amber Stitt [00:12:20]:
But I lived under what I thought other people...I didn't want to be too big because I would be maybe annoying, or I asked too many questions, things like that. And here I am asking you questions, celebrating who you are. But it's funny how we can downplay ourselves, just try to fit some narrative that's not real. And this is where the real work shines through.

Kathy Mela [00:12:37]:
And I was still working when I wrote this book, so I think there was some level of who I was as a professional. And am I small? Is this really that impactful? And I didn't think it was all that impactful, so I didn't really market it or, I shared it with some people, and yet when I go back and look at it, because occasionally I'll look and I'll go, if I'm feeling one of these things, I'm like, "What did I write back then?" And I look and I go, "Wow, this is powerful stuff."

Amber Stitt [00:13:01]:
And your framework works. I mean, the steps work.

Kathy Mela [00:13:04]:
Yeah. Yes, it does.

Amber Stitt [00:13:05]:
So you have to tell yourself on some of your days, "I gotta go read my book."

Amber Stitt [00:13:08]:
You're listening to Pathways with Amber Stitt. For more episodes like this, plus so much more, check out the podcast page at: AmberStitt.com Let's take action together! Now let's get back to our episode.

Amber Stitt [00:13:22]:
How long have you known Wendi and this community, then?

Kathy Mela [00:13:25]:
I've known Wendi probably at least 12 years. 10 to 12 years.

Amber Stitt [00:13:31]:
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Like, half the time that I would have been around them. And this is why I think the community aspect is so important. So if people come and meet us tomorrow at the book signing, you're meeting the authors, we can sign books. But it's also about collaborating and seeing, "I really resonated with this person. I want to meet them." You never know what can transition.

Amber Stitt [00:13:48]:
And we just had Wendy Shore on. We were talking about LinkedIn. I mean, with some of the social networks, we can really get help from anywhere. But we need our community to help us. And that's where Wendi was like that for you, I think Patricia was like that for me. And then it's just like this neat mentorship of reciprocating friendships.

Amber Stitt [00:14:04]:
But you can choose them. They're not like you were born into them and, "Hey, I gotta listen to what you have to say. You're my family." Nope. We get to choose these amazing people that we can spend time with. And so obviously, being a part of the community, we're still doing it and celebrating each other, too. So it's really neat that I get to do round two with you, from my side of things.

Amber Stitt [00:14:23]:
Yeah, you got a few more than me. I got some work to do.

Kathy Mela [00:14:26]:
I actually have a book idea. I haven't really approached Wendi and Patricia about it.

Amber Stitt [00:14:31]:
They might see this.

Kathy Mela [00:14:32]:
I know they will, and I will find out...I think I talked to them about it, but I had a lot of ideas for a lot of different books. And I got sort of...I call them downloads. In November, December, I got the download to just put it all in one book. And I had this other title for it. And then, two days ago, I was sharing with a friend, who's an author, a very accomplished author, about that I'm calling myself the Grief Navigator. And she goes, "Oh, that's a great book title."

Kathy Mela [00:14:57]:
And I wasn't thinking of it as a book title. I'm like, "Oh, I'm shifting. That's the new title." So it's in the works, and if you want a taste of it, I am basing each of my blogs, I write a blog each month, and each blog is about a chapter of the book.

Amber Stitt [00:15:12]:
There you go. Okay, so we'll put in show notes after we produce the episodes from the live. I have some of your items already, but the blog is something that you can subscribe to and it's happening already?

Kathy Mela [00:15:22]:
Yes, it's actually on my website. So it's not really a subscription. It's there for anybody. It's a freebie. And there are other things on there that you can get in my community and world if you want to dive deeper. I have the "Live Full Out Guide", which is really to help people step out. It's like the first step of how do you take your life on? How can you operate that? What's some things? And so I have two exercises in there to help people.

Amber Stitt [00:15:45]:
Can you share a little bit? Do you mind sharing a little bit of that? Because that was actually in my notes. I wanted to see, living full out. I couldn't articulate it earlier, but that's what I was pulling. You went through this life, and we won't call it corporate, but in the medical field, nursing's no joke. And then I wasn't saying, you're suppressing it, but you were able to unlock this. And that's where that guide, I think that was the evolution of that, is putting that out there. So can you give people maybe a little nugget that they can...

Kathy Mela [00:16:11]:
Sure. What I really was doing was compartmentalizing. So I'll tell the story real quick. First is, most medical people learn to do that because things happen, and we're not really encouraged to talk much about it. Or, you might have somebody like, "Hey, how are you? How'd you do with that terrible situation?" You're like, "Oh, I'm fine," and you move on. And definitely, I learned very young to compartmentalize things. And I remember when another dear friend and coach said to me, "Where do you feel that in your body?" And so I know I'll be dating myself here.

Kathy Mela [00:16:38]:
And that's okay. I said, "You know what those Dewey Decimal System boxes were back in libraries. That's what was sitting in my chest, was a Dewey Decimal System box. However, it was stuffed, and those drawers were bulging out. And every now and then, one would just go and burst." And then there'd be this form of anger, or rage, or whatever kind of thing I was feeling, and then it would be, "Okay, now go back and stuff it." So I was really good at that.

Kathy Mela [00:16:59]:
So the "Live Full Out Guide" is truly about looking at life two ways and operating every day from one, or both of these ways. And the first one is about, today is the first day of your life. Today is the first day of your life. You've never seen a camera before. You've never seen a phone before. You've never seen a bird. You've never seen anything. It's the first time you're seeing anything.

Kathy Mela [00:17:21]:
And you approach it from that standpoint of looking at it like, "Oh!" with some wonder and curiosity. And what does that look like.

Amber Stitt [00:17:29]:
Like an innocence to that.

Kathy Mela [00:17:30]:
Yes. Like you think about a kid. I always use the analogy of Disney World. The first time you go to Disney World, and I've been to Disney World probably...

Amber Stitt [00:17:37]:
And then you stand in line, you're like, "Oh, I'm going to Disney."

Kathy Mela [00:17:40]:
But the kids are like, "Disney World!" And so, if you can take some excitement and thrill into your daily life, that's cool. Just look at something that you see every day and say, "Let me look at the beauty in this."

Amber Stitt [00:17:52]:
I'm hearing gratitude.

Kathy Mela [00:17:53]:
Yeah, gratitude and appreciation. And then the other one is taking today on like it's your last day. What if today was your last day? What would you do?

Amber Stitt [00:18:02]:
Yeah.

Kathy Mela [00:18:02]:
Who would you call? What would you want to spend your last moments being and doing. And that is humbling. And it's like, "Oh, who would I call? Who would I want to be connected with? Would I want to sit and watch movies all day?" Probably not, no, I'd want to be in community. I'd want to be connecting with people. I'd want to be talking to my loved ones. So how can we bring that idea to your everyday life? Maybe one thing each day you reach out to somebody, or you do something that brings you joy.

Kathy Mela [00:18:30]:
So it's those kinds of things, and that's different and unique for each person.

Amber Stitt [00:18:35]:
That's beautiful.

Kathy Mela [00:18:36]:
Thank you.

Amber Stitt [00:18:36]:
Well, I appreciate you spending time with all of us.

Kathy Mela [00:18:39]:
Yeah, it's been fun.

Amber Stitt [00:18:41]:
So we're going to be looking for you. We're going to celebrate this week. I'm glad I got to spend more time, I'm looking forward to...

Kathy Mela [00:18:46]:
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I've enjoyed this. And again, thank Jason and Wendi and Patricia for this Unleashed event that they're hosting this weekend and for the whole community. And with all these books. When I saw the book signing tomorrow, I moved something around so I can be there.

Amber Stitt [00:19:01]:
Oh, good.

Kathy Mela [00:19:01]:
The book signing, it's not my book, and yet I want to support it.

Amber Stitt [00:19:06]:
Yeah.

Kathy Mela [00:19:07]:
I'm not in the book this time, and yet my books are still there. I think our books are there.

Amber Stitt [00:19:11]:
Yes. You better be there.

Kathy Mela [00:19:12]:
And so, yeah, it's so important to, I think, support the community and support the mission that we're all on to, like I said, empower humans. Help them be their best selves. Uplift them, and help them really see what's possible for each person in their lives.

Amber Stitt [00:19:26]:
Yeah. Well, you are amazing.

Kathy Mela [00:19:28]:
Thank you.

Amber Stitt [00:19:29]:
Thanks for sharing with everybody.

Kathy Mela [00:19:30]:
That's how I like to sign off, "Go be amazing."

Amber Stitt [00:19:31]:
"Go be amazing." Yeah?

Kathy Mela [00:19:33]:
Yeah.

Amber Stitt [00:19:34]:
Okay. I didn't know that.

Kathy Mela [00:19:35]:
Thank you.

Amber Stitt [00:19:35]:
Awesome. Thank you so much for being here.

Kathy Mela [00:19:37]:
You're very welcome. I appreciate it.

Amber Stitt [00:19:39]:
Thank you for joining us for this special edition of Pathways Unleashed, recorded at Owwll headquarters here in Delray Beach, Florida. Join us for more powerful conversations with real people who dare to design life on their own terms.

Amber Stitt [00:19:54]:
Until next time, keep taking action on your unique path!